Divorce is a very difficult process and emotionally taxing.   It is clear that most individuals do not get married thinking I'll get divorced.  

If divorce happens, then it is critical that the adult or adults choosing to get divorced do not make it worse than it needs to be.   The divorcing couple needs to makes sure the children are protected, and nourished as much as possible. 

Divorces that are not handled with maturity and tenderness can increase stress for all individuals involved.   Both the adults and the children involved in divorces handled with anger and vengeance can become victims of that divorce, which can lead to critical issues in children such as depression, anxiety, guilt, suicide ideation, drug use, failing grades, isolation, anger and blaming.  The adults may also experience some of these same mental health issues. 

Critical steps to consider.  

  • Remember Children are smart and they can tell if there are problems.  Trying to hide and pretending nothing is wrong creates more concern and doubt. 
  • Talk to your children together in a very calm and respectable manner.  Explain to them based on their age level as much as you can without, and this is critical, blaming each other or being negative or accusing.    Let your children ask questions and be honest.  Truth is far more healing for children and adults than are lies.  
  • Do not put your children in the middle.  It is not their fault so do not make them choose between parents.  They love both parents.   Even if the reason for the divorce is because a parent did something to a child that was very wrong.  Make it clear that actions taken were wrong or wrong choices were made, but that it is ok to love that parent or parents and yes, they are important. 
  • Be supportive of each other as much as possible.   A divorce does not need to make you enemies.  Ye,s there may be deep hurts and horrible scars but seeking to be cordial and kind to each other will bless the children greatly as they strive to adjust to changes in the home, living arrangements, and time spent with each parent. 
  • Do not make your children the adult in the relationship by confiding in them when it is not their place to be involved in.  Such disclosure of information is labeled as emotional incesting.  Strong word, but it gets the point across. 
  • Remember to listen to your children.  This will help in resolving their concerns, and reassure them that it is going to be ok.  Divorced parents can raise effective and successful children.  
  • Take time to be together for your children for critical events, such as birthdays, graduations, etc. Make it a day about them not you.
  • Set the same rules in both houses to avoid manipulation by children or parents.  If a child is grounded at one home for breaking a rule then when they go to the next home they should be grounded as well.  This means that as parents you need to make a parenting plan that you both are comfortable with and willing to follow in each home.  If you don’t have a plan and communicate, then children will seek to play you against each other and there will be no effective structure for the children. 
  • Do not make each other the bad guy.  Your children love both of you and want to support you both and want to believe the best about each other. 
  • Be willing to talk to each other.  The two of you can work together and you can resolve issue together if you are both willing to listen to each other and strive to understand. 

Do not make yourself and your children victims of a divorce.  If you try to do so, in the end you could end up destroying precious relationships and harming yourself.  

Blue Cherries can help you put together a parenting plan and resolve issues and concerns.  Give us a call today. 


Today there are a lot of  questions regarding confidentiality for individuals who chose to see a counselor.  These questions have intensified in light of recent political movements, especially in the area of gun control.

Four critical ways to protect your privacy and still receive the guidance you need are as follows:

1) Pay cash for your sessions.  Most insurance companies require a diagnosis to be billed.

2) Talk with your counselor regarding your concerns and make sure they have the same view of confidentiality as you do.

3) You do not have to be diagnosed to see a counselor.  You just need to make sure that your counselor understands why you are seeing them and what steps the counselor intends to take to help you.

4) Consider doing life coaching instead of therapy with a licensed clinical therapist if applicable to your needs.

5) Records have traditionally been protected by law regarding confidentiality, unless the client choses to sign a release or if their records are released when subpoena by a court. This has not yet been changed.

At Blue Cherries we understand your confidentially concerns and work toward making sure your information is kept confidential and protected in the current political unrest.

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