There are many things that happen in life in which there are no answers or limited answers. This is hard for us to accept as humans. This is when we just need to focus on love, loving and allowing others to help us heal. Take time to heal. Suicide is very very hard to understand and process. Seek professional help. You do not have to go through such difficult events alone. If you are feeling lost and alone seek help - it is not scary and it can help you see things in a different light. As humans there is 5 to 1 ratio of mental health medical issues to physical medical issues. Mental health issues are real and they are not strange nor do they mean something is wrong with you. We will go see a doctor if we break our arm and it is acceptable. If we have depression and anxiety it is just like a broken arm and we need to seek help. I can be reached at ChrsityKane20minutes2change.com if you have any question or just want some direction.